Disenchanted

Events in the recent week can be summarized in this word. Today’s reading reminded me about how, in the eyes of faith, it is necessary to experience a let down because it leads us to ask an all-important life question – WHY?

As rational creatures, we tend to question disappointments and heartaches when they affect us deeply.  I now see that this is an important ingredient in the process of deepening my faith. It is easy to overlook or take for granted the significance of certain elements if  they had conveniently become a part of my life.

Yes I am guilty of being impatient, of feeling indignant when things don’t go as I expect, of feeling panicked when thrust out of my comfort zone, but I am grateful too for these shocking moments that lead me to question, to probe, and to believe.

mr. roboto

When I talk to you and ask possibilities, do not give me a straight no. Think solutions and opportunities to achieve the end. Do not get stuck on procedures because they were created FOR you and therefore do NOT preside over your life.

Also, can you please be open to multi tasking as well because in this century, you have to be able to process one or two things at a time.

Let go

Moving to this condominium was a draining experience.  I prayed for a smooth transition, which in my definition, was to sign up for a place we liked and then move in our stuff, but I got the exact opposite of smooth.

On the day of formalizing the lease for this place, we were in danger of being without our bed, pillows, blanket, and most importantly, our apartment! Long story short, everything was painstakingly ironed out, but it points to the fact that in the end, ‘everything is rent’. Nothing is etched in stone.  A two-year lease can be rescinded for unexpected and hidden reasons, even to the landlord himself.  Recently, someone dear to me passed away suddenly. She was an elderly woman, my mentor, with no outward or known health risks, especially with her positive and vibrant personality yet out of the blue, she had a massive stroke and died two days later.

My advise to anyone struggling based on this experience is when in danger of losing something beyond your control:  let go. Everything falls into place eventually and these obscured reasons turn out to be a ‘stroke of luck or blessing’, in the end.  We can’t orchestrate our lives according to our desires – especially if what we want is a newly furnished apartment like this one.  When that ominous day comes, I’ll be humming this happy tune from Avenue Q.

For Now

Don’t stress,
Relax,
Let life roll off your backs
Except for death and paying taxes,
Everything in life is only for now!

It all boils down to this…

Today’s gospel from Matthew can’t help but strike a sensitive chord in me about focusing on life essentials.  The parable alludes to the meaning of life through a jeweler who exchanges every article in his collection one precious pearl of utmost value.

I’ve been drowning myself out with petty, and noisy distractions lately, only to find my priority now, is to secure my relationship with God.  And the more I devote time to this, the easier it seems to weed out the non-essentials in my life that I could not see before.  For instance, I don’t find as much comfort in retail therapy (well , I’ve to be honest about this too), nor do I find myself subscribing to some of my nonsense habits like daydreaming endlessly.

Now that I have a chance to cultivate myself, I find that I’m liking the chance to see myself clearer, from a different perspective. Given the unique chance to start anew and create new goals, will lead me to my precious Pearl.  The challenge of this process for me is how to see with new eyes, the aspects I’ve to abandon, and that distract me from reaching my goal.  (It’s not easy being in a commercially driven city but there are equal opportunities for grace that abound and should be siezed.)

I’m fortunate, in the recent weeks to have met people who are instruments of His voice.  I’ve been provoked t0 sift through this crucial time and fine tune myself and my priorities. As I approach the midpoint of my life (yikes!), I’m beginning to appreciate why that prized pearl matters ultimately- and that it is not at all elusive because it is a matter of perspective.  Sure, it’s painstaking because it entails abandoning everything (as opposed to ‘convenient little excuses’ I’ve settled for in the past).  The demand is to give up the attachments of who you are (as in the case of the jeweler), in exchange for everything you are meant to be.

How appropos that this reading precedes the feastday of St. Ignatius, which inspires this Prayer for Generosity and this ultimate act of surrender to the Lord:

''Only thy Grace, thy Love on me bestow: these make me rich, all else will I forgo"

Ikea and Me

As I focused on moving to each phase of our Singapore adventure, I was reminded by an old friend that perhaps it is not only our new home that needs space planning and personalization, but also my life here.  I fastracked myself through settling in here, that somehow, I thought it would be easy to integrate myself into this new environment.  It’s a good thing though: being in a different country has its way of making you re-examine yourself. It forces you to reflect how much of your identity can stand to integrate new habits, beliefs, ways of communicating and dealing with others.  It never occurred to me until yesterday to check on the significance of this major change on ME.  I think I have also undervalued my initial weeks of having the precious opportunity to wrap head around the idea of being here, being NEW here and yet still picking up from where I left off in Manila.

I am now taking inspiration from IKEA – my new go to place. Simplify and reduce: that’s their motto which earned their global appeal.  They specialize in designing pieces that are low-cost, high quality based on a target price. It is in this same manner that I know that my objectives have not changed; it’s just the opportunity I’m given now that I need to figure out how to attain those objectives in my current situation. The Jesuits have ruined me when it comes to this part of the discernment; I’ve learned that it’s never simple and my life is not solely my own to live out.  Furthermore, the timing of these circumstances itself is a message to me.

It takes a bit more peeling, but I’m getting there now.

Ow, ow, ow (my feet hurt)!

“Flexibility is the capacity to bend without breaking, as well as a continual willingness to change or be changed in order to accommodate new circumstances. People with flexible minds are open to shifting their course when necessary or useful; they are not overly attached to things going the way they had planned.” therefore the term ‘walking distance’ is relative.

The question is: how long until my feet get used to this marathonlike pace of walking every single day, expanding my endurance in hot and humid weather.

They say physical conditioning starts with the mind, and that is the kind of flexibility that I really need to work on. Seriously. I think that I need to load up on comfortable footwear and work on fitness training. It boggles my mind that the locals here walk so fast and without breaking in sweat or running out of breath.  Then again, it simply means I’m out of shape.  I think the past several days are the most I’ve walked in six months combined from my previous job, haha!

I think I need to: just do it!

From my daily dose of OM

Walking Through
When Doors Open

When a door opens, walk through it. Trust that the door has opened for a reason and you have been guided to it. Sometimes we have a tendency to overanalyze or agonize over the decision, but it is quicker to simply go through the door and discover what’s there as that’s the only way to know. Even if it doesn’t seem right at first, opening this door may lead to another door that will take us where we need to go.

….

There are many doors that open in the course of our lives, leading us into new relationships, jobs, friendships, and creative inspirations. Our lives up to this point are the result of all the doors we have walked through, and our continued growth depends on our willingness to keep moving into new spaces. Every time we walk through an open door, we create a sense memory that encourages us to move into the new fearlessly. When we enter the new space, we almost always feel a thrill and a new feeling of confidence, in ourselves and in the universe. We have stepped across the threshold into a new life.

Minute Wisdom

Minute, as in sixty seconds, and NOT the other minute… After researching for my husband ( a Star Wars fan),  I realize that Yoda is a veritable fountain of wisdom. Here are some of the significant ones I want to share:

• [Luke:] I can’t believe it. [Yoda:] That is why you fail
• Do or do not… there is no try.
• Already know you that which you need.
• “You will know (the good from the bad) when you are calm, at peace. Passive. A Jedi uses the Force for knowledge and defense, never for attack. “
• “Dwell on the could haves, we must not. Focus on the solution, we must.”
• LUKE: What’s in there? YODA: Only what you take with you.

I think I’m gonna like it here!

I’m loving our new apartment, although we only get to occupy it for only 30 days.  I’m enjoying it so much I’m counting each precious day that we’re here (day two down; 28 to go !).

Imagine being tired out physically and emotionally, and coming home to this sanctuary.  Soothing classical music was piped in discretely and the room was cooled at  the perfect temerature and smelled CLEAN! (insert big sigh of contentment here).  I was half expecting a tuxedo-clad butler to appear out of nowhere (think Mr. Deeds) and welcome us home.

Our serviced sanctuary

After living in a 40 sq foot apartment for four years, this place feels like a palace! What’s even better is the service that comes with the apartment. It’s amazing to have housekeeping take care of everything from the bedroom, to the toilet, not to mention the KITCHEN – although there is not much action there unless we go crazy with the fork and spoons (still studying the cost effectiveness of take out vs cook in)!  It’s also wifi enabled 24/7 which is great for me, although I still have to figure out how to use our room’s wifi since I’m stealing from the floor above ours.

The other thing I need to figure out is the ample ratio between outlet to adaptor.  The outlets here are quite intimidating and I have to choose which electronic devise can run on battery while plugging another – such as my laptop, cell phone or speaker.

nothing I have fits into our sockets

The only scare I had was from yesterday, when a big crow landed on our balcony railing yesterday as I was airing out our room. I almost had a heart attack! It was poised to fly straight into our apartment, when at the same time I leaned forward to check out the flapping noise.  We stared into each others eyes, and maybe it sensed I was ready for the offensive, so it flew away… SIGH!

As I approach the middle of our first week with my calves aching, nerves settling, tensions subsiding – I’m humming a bouncy tune in my head from Annie: ” I think I’m gonna like it here!”.

It’s good to be in our serviced sanctuary!

pregnant pause

I never really understood the meaning of those words until now. After intense discernment and preparation, the moment has finally arrived. Yet, little did I know that it wasn’t what was in the horizon that made change difficult; but what I was leaving behind.  I suppose that’s what happens when you have worked with people for so long  they inevitably become a part of you.

It is intensely gratifying that I am now moving to a new chapter of my life now, yet I am also filled with trepidation because of my aversion to change.  Slowly, as I move into this new life, I know that I am right where I am supposed to be,  in the same way I found myself at work.  Until then, I am overwhelmed with the possibilities, and the many blessings they will bring into my life.