Splash

I was hearing mass outside eco-inspired Greenbelt chapel when, suddenly, in the middle of the sermon, a heard a collective gasp from the crowd followed by a resounding splash.  And as I glanced to my left, there was a child of about 4 years old bobbing and flailing by the edge of the fish pond, gasping for air. Not long after, Ayala security guards and a harried-looking mother rushed to the edge of the pond fishing this poor kid out of her water bogged accident.

You could sense most of the church-goers stare at this poor, soggy child bawling out her stress over her near death experience.  She looked overwhelmed and in shock from this embarrassing accident that resulted from a harmless frolic by the fishpond.  Amusing to me is the reaction of mothers who turned to their own kid in unison, finger pointed, as if to say silently: “See what will happen to you if you don’t listen to me!”  And as if to respond to this wordless warning, the kids that witnessed this accident looked chastened.

Honestly, I did not feel sympathy for the parent because, obviously, letting a kid cavort by jagged, slippery rock formations equals a possible mishap.  On the other hand, as a parent, you probably can’t teach every minute lesson in life to your child, including the ability to decide whether the situation is an accident waiting to happen.  (Yes, even at age five, kids nowadays have the maturity to know these things better – it’s just a question of allowing their curiosity to get the better of them).

There is no handbook for right choices that guarantee an accident-free life and what probably might result in wisdom is stunted if children were too sheltered or cosseted from getting dirty or injured.  What piqued me is the tension every parent faces between allowing their children to make the wrong choices or simply telling them what you know to be right. After all, parents are appointed with the responsibility to ensure a happy and secure life for their children. But, where do you draw the line between holding on and letting go?  When should you tell your children: “Get out of there, can’t you see there are piranhas in the water?” or “Go ahead, and see if it’s safe for you to take a dip.”
I can’t pretend to know the answers and certainly, I have no doubt that there is a cut and dry formula to this parenting challenge.  But I can certainly see how kids brought up with a certain amount of liberty can turn out to be confident, and information seeking adults.  My best friend would tell me that growing up they were allowed to explore areas as children, unsupervised which I would have been followed undodgedly by my own yaya.  But here is the thing, once a child is provided this sense of freedom to explore, without the nagging, worried voice of the parent, they are taught that the world is theirs to conquer and they must learn to rely on their own judgement in evaluating situations that they get into. It is a delicate balance of freedom and choice at an early age, but I think, one worth every scrape, and splash.

(written in March 2009)

having a moment

When I was old enough to comprehend what a career meant, I wanted to become a writer. Growing up, I devoured books over the summer when I had time to read as much as I could.  I wanted to be a master storyteller and paint amazing worlds and craft awe inspiring scenes that would make my readers laugh, tremble and gasp in excitement.  Only later on did I realize that being a writer (of fiction) took up much more creativity than my brain may actually manage. Sad, but one does have to face reality sometimes. (insert carefree shrug)

Then, I realized why let it stop me, for there must be infinite topics to write about. And it hit me: why should I look for material when I’m already immersed in a wealth of material,both comical and dramatic? It would certainly pique any reader and for sure will leave them with a warm fuzzy feeling after. It hit me: my family, which my friends know I refer to as Addams, is the perfect subject of this project!

There are privacy issues of course, and unless I cloak my name under an alias would I only be able to freely narrate this reality-based story.  It dawned on my that my situation is quite unique and compelling, (as one will later find out in my story) and there are lessons in it worth telling and sharing to others.  So while that children’s story book is still shelved in the inactive part of my brain, I will strive to work on this story.  As I think about it now, there are some memories here and there that defy fiction and make the truth sound stranger than – well, fiction!

Wish me luck!

It Doesn’t Matter

I’ve been practicing yoga for a month now and it surprises me how my lazy resistance seems to diminish with each class I attend.  Getting to know the benefits and philosophy behind the practice has made me disregard my primary motive for doing yoga, which is to lose weight. Somehow, over the weeks, being in that room, communing with myself and my body has made me appreciate myself even more, in spite of the grunts and struggle to reach my toes (which incidentally I still can’t do on straight knees).  Coming out of every class feels wonderful, like catching up with a longtime friend.

Being married brings me to that same conclusion as well, for in the beginning, you tend to have a set of standards for your partner. However, as time passes, you begin to ammend those things because you realize helplessly, that you fall in love even more deeply with the many things your partner is not.  Journeying in this life together is the reason and not marriage itself; being together is the source of your contentment – all those extras like travelling the world, and eating at expensive restaurants are just accessories to that experience.

I’m still trying to wrap my head around the insight of a wise friend who told me: “at one point it doesn’t matter what kind of work you do because at the end of the day, if you do your work well and offer it to God, then you will have found meaning”.  I wonder if this is completely true. I’ve been a victim of career identity crisis during the first quarter of my life.  I always thought that knowing the right career match was the primary step to a fulfilling and happy work experience.  Perhaps if I were told “it doesnt matter”, then I would stress less and just focus a bit more on learning and growing in my job and eventually come out of it knowing myself and my destiny better.  And perhaps no experience would ever be wasted because it brings you closer to your meaning and destiny.

Disenchanted

Events in the recent week can be summarized in this word. Today’s reading reminded me about how, in the eyes of faith, it is necessary to experience a let down because it leads us to ask an all-important life question – WHY?

As rational creatures, we tend to question disappointments and heartaches when they affect us deeply.  I now see that this is an important ingredient in the process of deepening my faith. It is easy to overlook or take for granted the significance of certain elements if  they had conveniently become a part of my life.

Yes I am guilty of being impatient, of feeling indignant when things don’t go as I expect, of feeling panicked when thrust out of my comfort zone, but I am grateful too for these shocking moments that lead me to question, to probe, and to believe.

Let go

Moving to this condominium was a draining experience.  I prayed for a smooth transition, which in my definition, was to sign up for a place we liked and then move in our stuff, but I got the exact opposite of smooth.

On the day of formalizing the lease for this place, we were in danger of being without our bed, pillows, blanket, and most importantly, our apartment! Long story short, everything was painstakingly ironed out, but it points to the fact that in the end, ‘everything is rent’. Nothing is etched in stone.  A two-year lease can be rescinded for unexpected and hidden reasons, even to the landlord himself.  Recently, someone dear to me passed away suddenly. She was an elderly woman, my mentor, with no outward or known health risks, especially with her positive and vibrant personality yet out of the blue, she had a massive stroke and died two days later.

My advise to anyone struggling based on this experience is when in danger of losing something beyond your control:  let go. Everything falls into place eventually and these obscured reasons turn out to be a ‘stroke of luck or blessing’, in the end.  We can’t orchestrate our lives according to our desires – especially if what we want is a newly furnished apartment like this one.  When that ominous day comes, I’ll be humming this happy tune from Avenue Q.

For Now

Don’t stress,
Relax,
Let life roll off your backs
Except for death and paying taxes,
Everything in life is only for now!

From my daily dose of OM

Walking Through
When Doors Open

When a door opens, walk through it. Trust that the door has opened for a reason and you have been guided to it. Sometimes we have a tendency to overanalyze or agonize over the decision, but it is quicker to simply go through the door and discover what’s there as that’s the only way to know. Even if it doesn’t seem right at first, opening this door may lead to another door that will take us where we need to go.

….

There are many doors that open in the course of our lives, leading us into new relationships, jobs, friendships, and creative inspirations. Our lives up to this point are the result of all the doors we have walked through, and our continued growth depends on our willingness to keep moving into new spaces. Every time we walk through an open door, we create a sense memory that encourages us to move into the new fearlessly. When we enter the new space, we almost always feel a thrill and a new feeling of confidence, in ourselves and in the universe. We have stepped across the threshold into a new life.

Minute Wisdom

Minute, as in sixty seconds, and NOT the other minute… After researching for my husband ( a Star Wars fan),  I realize that Yoda is a veritable fountain of wisdom. Here are some of the significant ones I want to share:

• [Luke:] I can’t believe it. [Yoda:] That is why you fail
• Do or do not… there is no try.
• Already know you that which you need.
• “You will know (the good from the bad) when you are calm, at peace. Passive. A Jedi uses the Force for knowledge and defense, never for attack. “
• “Dwell on the could haves, we must not. Focus on the solution, we must.”
• LUKE: What’s in there? YODA: Only what you take with you.

I think I’m gonna like it here!

I’m loving our new apartment, although we only get to occupy it for only 30 days.  I’m enjoying it so much I’m counting each precious day that we’re here (day two down; 28 to go !).

Imagine being tired out physically and emotionally, and coming home to this sanctuary.  Soothing classical music was piped in discretely and the room was cooled at  the perfect temerature and smelled CLEAN! (insert big sigh of contentment here).  I was half expecting a tuxedo-clad butler to appear out of nowhere (think Mr. Deeds) and welcome us home.

Our serviced sanctuary

After living in a 40 sq foot apartment for four years, this place feels like a palace! What’s even better is the service that comes with the apartment. It’s amazing to have housekeeping take care of everything from the bedroom, to the toilet, not to mention the KITCHEN – although there is not much action there unless we go crazy with the fork and spoons (still studying the cost effectiveness of take out vs cook in)!  It’s also wifi enabled 24/7 which is great for me, although I still have to figure out how to use our room’s wifi since I’m stealing from the floor above ours.

The other thing I need to figure out is the ample ratio between outlet to adaptor.  The outlets here are quite intimidating and I have to choose which electronic devise can run on battery while plugging another – such as my laptop, cell phone or speaker.

nothing I have fits into our sockets

The only scare I had was from yesterday, when a big crow landed on our balcony railing yesterday as I was airing out our room. I almost had a heart attack! It was poised to fly straight into our apartment, when at the same time I leaned forward to check out the flapping noise.  We stared into each others eyes, and maybe it sensed I was ready for the offensive, so it flew away… SIGH!

As I approach the middle of our first week with my calves aching, nerves settling, tensions subsiding – I’m humming a bouncy tune in my head from Annie: ” I think I’m gonna like it here!”.

It’s good to be in our serviced sanctuary!

easter mondate

It was the last day of our long vacation, and unwilling as we were to accept the harsh reality of work the next day, we acknowledged our last day in paradise by going out on a date on Monday, our last holiday frontier.  (Our original date was cancelled because of my sudden fever, soon as we arrived back in Manila.)

We went for a destessing massage, (how ironic, to need destressing after a 5-day vacation=p)  and had our date at an unlikely romantic destination. My tastebuds were hankering for something flavorful and since our massage ended late, we headed to the only Thai place conceivably open at 9pm: SOMS.

It’s a small eatery nestled behind the busy road leading to Rockwell.  That night, the air was cool, and the place was bustling with clients from the area.  The canopy of trees were lit with tivoli lights that reminded me of christmas.  The setting couldnt have been more quaint or romantic.  As we settled ourselves in a hidden nook, we savored my Thai fix,  I was reminded strongly about my idealistic youth.  As my tastebuds were exploding with the perfect blend of Thai spices, I was transported back to college, where my dates consisted primarily of the magic of the moment and not the elegance of the food or the venue.  It was more of an adventure dictated by imagination and the capacity of our student allowance.

As I looked at my husband over our easter monday date, I was once again transported to the magical romance of my youth; I was in the magic of someone I love in an unpretentious environment where any setting would have been perfect because of my date.

a grateful heart

I never thought I would get to my mid-thirties, but here I am, inching towards the big four-OH. And yes, I am one of those that never really cared much about age, but somehow getting older does hit you with certain realities, like having a “plan of life“. 

What is it about getting one year older that makes you pause and reflect? It was fortunate on my part that I spent the occassion away from the craziness of my ordinary life where people want something from me. Wait, that din’t come out quite right. What I mean is: where I can hit the pause button on my responsibilities and prioritize my own enjoyment for once.

And was it a great experience.  Eating, sightseeing, resting in an upgraded room (thanks to my boithday!) was more than I could ever hope to celebrate ‘my year’.  Spending quality time with my wonderful hubby was the perfect complement to my heavenly vacation.  Alas, six glorious days were too short and here I am, back to reality with a few more holidays to spare – extending this quiet time with myself and allowing me to ponder on MY YEAR!