Addams Family

Lately hidden parts of me were revealed, like clouds gliding by to reveal shadows cast.  And though unexpected and hidden, they were not unwanted because they helped me understand parts of me I never quite bothered to examine.

My family is one for the books. I can count no less than ten disorders introducing my entire clan to one person. Yet, it is their precise combination of idiosyncrasies that formed me, and I would say brought out my best potential.  The more I delve objectively into my roots, the more I realize th momentum behind the choices that I made today.  Perhaps in time I can grow to appreciate the painful, incomplete parts that damaged these relationships but in the end, pain sometimes facilitates growth, and eventually acceptance and love.  Being part of this imperfect network reminds me that I am a part of them as much as they are a part of me through the successes and failures that I make in life. And though we are not exactly a close-knit clan, we are related in a primordial, indelible way.

I have not given much thought much about my relatives because our interactions are infrequent, but this dinner has opened my eyes to the necessity of looking deeper and welcome these moments because they are opportunities for deepening and self-possession.

To know me is to love me

I’ve had the precious opportunity to spend time with my parents for a few days, and the experience was an unexpected gift that I can only describe as rare.  I think, growing up, one redefines their relationship with their parents but I’ve personally been blessed because of my unique perspective in our family. Being the first born, and might I add: the only child for seven years, gave me a chance to observe how my parents matured from being a young, married couple. They married fresh out of college and admittedly, learned through trial & (perhaps mostly) error in their decision making process of rearing me.

What struck me during our time together is how, in our relationship, I have come to be an adult in their eyes whose opinions are valued as much as a trusted friend’s. From being told what to do and expected to follow their decisions, I earned my independence to voice out my opinions though it may oppose theirs. And as this adult, I realize that even though they raised me with their closely-held beliefs, we respect each other enough to give space and acknowledge our respective traditions. Now that I myself am a young (well… in terms of relationship age) married woman, I can see how my experiences have shaped me in choosing my own partner as well as my own formula for marriage. I wouldn’t say that my marriage is a reflection of their success but perhaps it gives honor to the best lessons I’ve observed from them.

I would daresay that their marriage has flaws, but then what marriage isnt? What is remarkable about how they have lasted is their ability to find a common ground and laugh at the  helpless moments in the same way they would hilarious moments. My husband articulated the whole point of marriage succinctly: “it is about the unity of life”.  In striving for this unity, the good, the bad, the highs and lows don’t matter in view of the greater scheme of things because what is essential is your commitment to being part of someone in this life adventure.  Milestones like birthdays, anniversaries are simply markers of this time together but it is in the mundane exercise of daily life that we find those profound reasons why our love and commitment for the other person is unfaltering, unfading.

During those few days I was with my parents doing ordinary tourist activities, I saw how the experience would probably remain unchanged for them had they simply been holed up in the boondocks. I see how the unity of life is a decision, and one that needs to be renewed everyday. It is a natural consequence of having love in your heart and faith in God.